What Makes a Good Person?

I've been thinking the past few days about what makes a good person. We all have heard someone say, "He's a good person." But what does it mean? What makes a person "good?" According to some Christians, it doesn't matter how good of a person you are; if you don't believe in Jesus, you're screwed. I don't believe that, but their idea of being a good person is by doing "good" deeds, I guess, deeds like helping people and donating money to charities.

Well, I was trying to figure out what a good person was. My first list of qualities that make up a good person is below:

• when he or she looks at a person, they care more about stuff beyond the surface (what a person looks like, wears, his ethnicity, his income, etc) like how good of a friend they are, personality, etc
• eager to help others who don't live lives like theirs--homeless, children in war zones in Africa, needy families in the US, etc
  
• doesn't look down on other people
• doesn't care just about themselves; considers the situations and needs of other people around them

And then I was like, what is this, a saint? And naturally, my first idea of a good person would probably be close to the type of person I want to be. Different people will have different standards of what a good person should be, some lower, some higher. According to my list, this "good person" would be perfect. Good luck finding this person.

A few points I considered were:

• Do I consider a person a "good person" if they help other people to help themselves? Such as doing things for the community and volunteering -- to enhance their resume in the long run. Or helping people so that maybe they'll be there for us too in the future. Basically, help that isn't all that altruistic.
  But isn't that what we all do? Whether we think about it a lot or not, it's there. So, no, that wouldn't make a person a good person. It wouldn't make them a bad one, either. It would just make them an average person.
• It seems that it's the kids with more resources who do the volunteer work. They've had supportive people in their life who have probably encouraged them to help out, or at least people who valued getting into college and doing good things. Some volunteer work also costs money, such as air fare. A typical kid from a low income family wouldn't want to sacrifice a month's worth of food money or tuition to go abroad to study or volunteer at a third world country. Does this make them a bad person? Not at all. They care about their family. So it would be unfair to emphasize "helping people whose lives are different than theirs" as a quality that makes someone a good person. Everyone can create awareness on Facebook, but I don't know if people will remember everything they add onto their Facebook, and also how much they participate in the group... I think this would go into a separate topic.
  

In the end, the only two qualities I kept were the first one and caring about people he/she loves. To me, it is very important that someone looks past the things that most people gawk at. Everyone has their own story, no matter how much of an asshole/"scum" they seem to be, and if you don't even try to look at it and understand that person, then you'd just be a typical person.

Some people are too young (like kids in middle school and high school) to understand, and it's totally normal to feel insecure about appearance. Some people have grown up in families where appearance was put on a pedestal so they grow up not learning to see beyond the surface. And when you get stuck with superficial things, you start looking down on people based on these superficial qualities. It takes time. It took quite some time for me to learn, and once I did, I was happy because I saw so many beautiful people in the world, and sad because I realized how sometimes people totally misunderstand these people just because of what's on the surface.

That loser guy with the big horse teeth and the crappy social skills who didn't go straight to college after high school? He's working for now to take care of himself, his brother, and his mother who has a long-term illness. When he's not working or doing things around the house, he likes to take apart machines and put them back together. He's been dumped more than once by a girl (whose reason is that he's "too nice") for a hot guy who wouldn't end up respecting her. His little brother really looks up to him and will probably someday use him as a model for how to treat women. Some people can't see past "loser guy with the big horse teeth and the crappy social skills who didn't go straight to college after high school." And they miss out.

Returning to Myspace and Facebook: Friends Close; Enemies Closer

After a short break from MySpace and Facebook, I am back in business! Whoot!

Some of the things I have to do first are probably clean out my Facebook and Myspace. Update some info, delete some info, make some new friends, let go of some crappy friends, etc.

You know that old quote that goes, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer," that was used in Godfather? When does it apply to online networking, and when does it not?

What I've been doing is deleting people who I don't want to see my info. If I don't trust you to even know about my life, then I don't want you as a "friend." Networking can be valuable because you never know who you will need, but if someone makes me feel more sad than happy, then it's not worth the trouble and maybe it's time to move on.

Why I Don't Wish I Were Pretty

Long ago, I posted a blog entry talking about how I wished I were pretty. People treat pretty people nicer, so they tend to get more privileges like more dates, more attention, and more friends. It's been a while, but now that I think about it, do those things really matter?

I had to ask myself what was more important to me. More people are nicer to pretty people, but anyone who wouldn't talk to me (or anyone) because I stood lower on the scale of prettiness is an asshole. Do I want to talk to a shallow asshole? Sometimes, when I felt lonely, I wanted to talk to anybody. After I lost a tiny bit of weight and got new clothes in college, I received more attention from people once I got home. As a result, some of the people who talked to me after my makeover were assholes. One guy actually rates girls from 1-10 by their appearance, constantly talked to me about how chicks have the hots for him, and made really mean comments about fat women. I called him an asshole for that, and hope to not meet him at the bus stop whenever I'm going home. I've also had girl friends who rated people from 1-10. Not only was that kind of shallow, it didn't make me (or probably any of them) feel good to know that I was being rated based on looks. The whole rating system also made me feel like looks were important enough to be scored. What I learned was that maybe it's a good thing that less people talk to less attractive people. It's like a filter; you filter out the shallow people and the assholes. And so someone who talks to you would be someone who doesn't care about those things.

It's true: pretty people do have better luck in the dating scene. A lot of people want an edge in the dating scene, but I have something better: a person who truly loves me who I love back. It's so hard to find love, and while being pretty helps you meet more people, that sorta stuff doesn't help you find love faster. You're more likely to meet guys who like you because they look at your body before your personality. Having the best legs or being the skinniest chick out there won't make it easier to fall in love. I always wondered why some girls complain all the freakin' time about specific parts of their bodies, especially their asses. I thought the majority of guys like girls with big asses, so if you have a mushy tush, then embrace that and do squats to make it even bigger and defined. But I digress.

I think guys who want a real relationship look more at the personality. Of course, looks help, but looks don't get a guy past the sex or masturbation fantasies. Good looks wouldn't make a guy pay more attention to you in the long run if they were what attracted him to you in the first place. If a guy really loves you, then he'll still be there loving you after your looks fade. I don't think girls focus on their personalities enough because they look out and see all these shallow guys looking at girls on the surface. So they try to improve their looks, which leads to a lot of complaining and crappy self images when what really matters in the end are their personalities and values.

What I wondered for a while was why people are so afraid to be weird. I've called myself and have been called "weird" since fifth grade, so I'm used to it being used lightly. When I called a friend weird one day, she asked, "I'm not weird, why did you call me weird? What's so weird about me?" My thought was, what's wrong with being weird? And why do some people try so hard to be normal? Being normal helps you blend in public, but aside from that...I don't get what the big deal is.

Like with dating, being pretty also helps you make friends faster. But I think real popularity comes down to charisma and a really friendly personality, so looks matter less if you're charismatic and people feel it when they're around you and when talking to you. Would my friends come to me and respect me more if I were prettier? I wouldn't know, but I do know that if they are good, true friends, then becoming prettier (or uglier) wouldn't change a thing. It's hard to find a true friend.

Taking care of my body has helped me love my body more. I strive for healthiness in the way that I'm not strict with rules (trying again instead of punishing myself), but choose healthier options. If there's fruit in the fridge, I absolutely love strawberries with Nutella. I also like bananas with peanut butter.

In conclusion, being pretty won't make you happier. It all evens out in the end. You meet more people, but you also meet more assholes. You have more friends, but you'll also have crappy friends and jealous friends. My advice to people who feel bad for not being pretty is to figure out what will really make you happy. Do you want to be in a relationship with lots of people you might not have chemistry with or be in love with a great guy (and don't be shallow either; the guy might not look like a Prince, but he might have something better to offer you)? The second choice is harder, but choosing the first one because it's easy won't make you happy. Figure out what you want, and you'll be a step closer to finding it.

Friends have opened up to me when they were sad or going through drama. While I feel honored that they chose to tell me about stuff, sometimes there's not much I can say to make it all better, especially if it's that they're insecure or pessimistic about the world. There's nothing I can say that could help them. I can give them false assurance ("No! Your legs are skinny!"), but that would be lame and that also wouldn't make them feel better in the long run. The most I can do is tell them to stop criticizing themselves, at least in front of me (so that it doesn't depress me), because doing that won't solve anything. As for the pessimism, there is absolutely nothing I can say that'll make a person change their view on the world (or guys), unless they want to. For the most part, all I have right now is, don't ruin my day just because you had a bad one.

What I realized after thinking was how fortunate I am to be with people who really do care about me. On the surface, my Poly might not look like the ideal guy because he's overweight, likes World of Warcraft, doesn't spend a crapload of money on clothes, blunt, doesn't buy into the whole Valentine's Day stuff, doesn't own a car, and is quiet to a lot of people, but that's all you see if you only look on the surface.

Below the surface, he's the only person I have ever connected this deeply with. We joke around, have conversations, talk, argue, and make up. He's a BAMF, as in Blunt-Ass-Mother-Fucka (instead of Bad-Ass--sorry, Poly :D), but he's honest, even to the point of getting in trouble for it, and being honest with each other is really important to me. Most of all, he's a sweet Poly. Not sweet in the way that he buys me big things on Valentine's Day, but sweet in the way that he's thoughtful, loving, spends time to talk with me when I'm sad or happy, likes making me breakfast everyday, and talks things out when something bothers him even when it means we might disagree and argue. I don't like talking about him like this a lot or posting big pictures of him on my blog or profile because I'd sound like a ditzy fifteen year-old girl raving about her boyfriend only to break up with him a couple of weeks later, so this means a lot to me to write about him here because I don't care if you don't believe me. This is how I feel about him, despite his occasional lethal farts that smell like sulfur. It's okay. Sometimes I fart back.

Cheap Lasagna Recipe

If you love lasagna and are broke, here's what you can do with a box of lasagna noodles, some sauce, cheese, and scraps of what's in the fridge. It can easily be a three-ingredient lasagna, but there's nothing wrong with adding a bit of drama with a mean broccoli and a tomato or two.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

You'll be using either an 8 x 8 square baking pan (just break up the lasagna noodles so that they fit) or a rectangle pan, and aluminum foil to cover the pan once it's ready to hit the oven. Whichever pan you choose, make sure it's at least two inches tall so that you can layer the lasagna.

Ingredients:

-a jar of spaghetti sauce (or regular old tomato sauce). If you're stuck with half a jar of spaghetti sauce, you can dilute it with tomato sauce to have enough.
-about 6 lasagna noodles (maybe 5 if you use a square tin)
-cheese about the size of your fist or bigger (preferably mozzarella, but you can try using other cheeses) --you can slice this cheese thinly to cover everything
-optional: whatever you have. Suggestions: minced broccoli (without the stem), diced tomatoes, Italian sausage

Bottom Layer: Spread a small layer of sauce over the surface of the pan. Lay lasagna noodles on top of sauce. Layer shredded or sliced cheese on top of lasagna noodles. Add veggies or sausage if you have some.

Middle Layer: Spread sauce over everything. Lay lasagna noodles on top of sauce. Layer shredded or sliced cheese on top of lasagna noodles. Add veggies or sausage. If you have lots of extra sauce, you can add some on top here.

Top Layer: Lay lasagna over everything, then cover with plenty of sauce and some tomatoes if preferred.

Now, cover the lasagna pan with foil and bake for about 50 minutes for an hour. You need the aluminum foil because it keeps the lasagna moist and soft as it bakes. Once it's done baking, take the lasagna out, cut the lasagna, let it cool for a bit, and then serve.

For busy people: If you love lasagna but hate the time it takes to bake it, you can make it ahead of time. Make the lasagna using only lasagna, sauce, cheese, and maybe some meat, and freeze it in the freezer in a bag or microwaveable dish. You can cut it up into one-serving sizes before shoving it in the freezer. Then, when you're hungry, just nuke it up in the microwave and enjoy.

For lacto-vegetarians: Use non-meat spaghetti sauce. Add broccoli and tomatoes if desired.

For people who hate vegetables: Just use lasagna, sauce, and cheese--the three-ingredient basic lasagna.

Five Worst Christmas Presents You Can Ever Give Someone

In general, the best gifts are usually the most thoughtful, such as time spent with friends and family, or a quirky and clever gift. But all of us have probably received a dud, and if not, then we will. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we can give a friend or family member a dud gift. Here is a short list of gifts that you might want to watch out for...

1. Christmas Sweater - They'll keep you warm, but these sweaters generally arrive with a huge ugly reindeer or Santa Claus. You can only wear them during one month of the year without getting weird looks from people. I don't know why stores bother to sell these seasonal sweaters since they're ugly and impractical. But people do buy them. I'd probably resort to passing on the joy if I ever receive a store-bought Christmas-themed sweater to the next lucky winner. :)

2. A Half-Used or Empty Gift Card - A half-used card is obviously regifted, with a balance of $14.38. If it's to a store I like, I wouldn't mind, though. ^_~ An empty gift card (Bonus: that's never been activated) is best given to someone you hate who you'll never see again. :) However, accidents do happen, so if you ever receive a gift card with a balance of $0.00, the store clerk might have forgotten to activate it, so you should tell your friend so that you can both correct the mistake.

3. A Kitchen Appliance with Food Residue Stuck Inside - I believe it has happened before. If you're going to go green and reuse, at least clean it before you wrap it. :)

4. A Dusty Mug and an Old Book with a Guy Arguing in Support of Porn - Here's to you Kevin: the first Xmas gift you ever gave me! Go 2005! :-P It's fine; I gave you Ramen.

5. Ramen - With a gift bow stuck to the top of it. :) Merry Christmas! :D






Note: I know I should be writing Halloween-themed posts, but I think ahead. :)

I Hate Waiting for Buses

When I was attending school at UCSB, I chose to ride the bike instead of the bus. First, because I wanted some exercise when rushing to class every morning, but also because I really hate waiting for something that might not come on time, thinking that if I pedaled hard and fast enough, maybe I could run into the classroom a couple seconds before the instructor arrived.

For most of my childhood, I went places mostly by car or walking. The bus system looked really confusing to me because I didn't know the routes. I rarely took the bus; and when I did, it was with friends.

Now that I'm attending Southwestern College, I take the bus home because it's too far to bike home, and most of San Diego isn't very bike-friendly. One of my biggest fears of taking the bus was getting on the wrong bus or not getting out on time. That actually happened a few times before I finally got it. -_-'

I like just being able to hop onto the bus with my pass, but what I hate is when my worst fear happens: the bus fails to show up. And that happened today, across the street from the San Ysidro outlet mall. My buddy Kev and I were waiting at the bus stop. Eight people waited too. We all waited for a total of 1 hour and 20 minutes. Across the street, THREE 929 buses headed toward the border passed. However, it took an hour and twenty minutes before ONE showed up on our side of the street. The one bus that showed up arrived when Kev was about to call the number of the MTS customer service. >_<*

Here's the link to the MTS customer service form: http://www.sdmts.com/mtscr/CRform.aspx

How It was Like to Elope

I wanted to call Kevin or Christine yesterday, but Kevin's mom had his cell phone and I'd been calling Tammy's cell phone during the day too much. The house phone was an option, but I didn't want to talk to their mom or dad again, because they would ask me questions like why I'm not living with my parents anymore. And they wouldn't let me talk to Kevin. Last time, when I called their house phone, I pulled the unlucky card and their mom picked up.

"Hi, may I speak to Kevin?"

"Who's this?"

I thought about lying, but she could probably recognize my voice. I told her the truth. "Ellen," I replied.

"Oh, Ellen. Do you still live with your mom?"

"Mmm, no."

"Why?" By the tone of her voice, it sounded more like, "Wai?!"

"It's a long story."

"Oh, okay. I'll tell Kevin to call you back."

"Okay, thanks."

According to Annie, Kevin's younger sister, she never did. She just hung up the phone and walked away.

Kevin's parents know about me moving into Uriel's house because my mom actually called them, drove to their house, and cried to them. My mom probably chose to go to their house instead of Christine's because Kevin's parents are a lot more hardcore with punishing their kids and maintaining an authoritarian parent-child relationship, which my parents admired. Before then, Kevin's parents had liked me. They saw me as the model Asian child who got good grades and respected her parents. Now, they knew that I'm not perfect, and they hate me for it. My mom called their house a few times to talk to their mom, and their mom was like, "Why don't you just go over to his house and take her back?"

I thought it was odd that my mom went to Kevin's parents. It was probably because they didn't know her, and therefore she didn't have to lose face; she could get support at my expense.

She lied to me once, when she made me show her where Uriel lived. She told me that we needed to know more about Uriel in order to tolerate us both being together. Then, the next day, she and my dad went looking for his house, and when they found out that he lived in a mobile home community, she was furious. After a long lecture about her beliefs on how Mexicans are stupid, poor, lazy, and "all they care about is being happy," she told me never to walk home from school again.

One of the reasons why she was so angry was because one of her co-workers lived near Uriel. She told me that "little girls shouldn't be running around with guys." And I was seventeen. She didn't want to lose face by her co-worker seeing me with someone who lived in a mobile home. I don't understand why she cared. Unless she had tried to portray herself as richer to her co-workers.

That's why, when my mom came over to Uriel's house and started yelling about how I should finish my last three years at the UC and then marry Uriel, I was skeptical. She also tried to drag me back, and would have if Uriel and his dad weren't there. Then she walked into the living room and positioned herself on the chair and kept repeating to me the same stuff over and over again. She said she was going to stay there until I left with her. Uriel gave her five minutes to say what she wanted, and then after that she would have to leave.

She looked at me with bitter eyes. "See how he treats me?" she asked in Chinese. "Is he going to do that to you?" She said the same about Uriel's dad, which made me question the validity of her past accusations of my grandma treating her poorly as a child as well as my paternal grandma.

My mom holds a lot of grudges and used them to manipulate everyone's emotions, but the way she twisted this situation made me very skeptical about her truthfulness. Uriel and his dad had been courteous to her. She shoved her way into the house, opened the doors with knocking and wandered into the house (they didn't have to lock the doors before) on her own, demanding me back because I was her daughter and therefore "belonged" to her. I wanted Uriel's dad to call the cops on her. Even Uriel told him to call the cops on her. But Uriel's dad didn't, out of respect for my mom.

Then, Uriel's dad handed us a one-hundred dollar bill and the keys to the escape mobile and we hopped in, I saw my mom carrying my luggage to her car yelling "It's mine! This was taken from my house! It's my stuff!" So I ran to the car, grabbed my purse (containing my ID and cash), ran back to the escape mobile, drove off with my Poly and went to the movies.

Apparently my mom didn't hold the same respect for Uriel's family. She called the cops on Uriel. According to his sister, she told the police that Uriel was 20 and he forced me into the house. Uriel's sister was scared, thinking, Oh my god, I don't wanna get arrested! My dad asked to report me "missing." When the police asked for my age, she had to tell the truth. Since I was eighteen, the police didn't do anything and left.

My mom kept driving around the neighborhood. Uriel and I had to sleep in the couch the first night because the room wasn't painted yet. That evening she returned with the rest of my family, including my grandma, my sister, etc.

They also called. I picked up and my brother was on the phone. "Ellen? Ellen. Who's gonna pay for your college? Who's gonna pay for your college?" he kept repeating. I hung up.

My grandmother came over the first few days. I didn't want to see her yet because she tried to get me to go home. I visited her after a few days, and she persuaded my mom to bring my laptop and my bike by telling my mom that I begged and said sorry.

Not all my friends understood my decision. The ones who didn't thought I didn't think about my decision enough. They couldn't be more far from wrong. I thought out almost every possible aspect of my decision as well as its potential consequences. People who didn't know me and Uriel very well understood the least because since they didn't know the type of person Uriel was, they pictured him as a no-faced typical guy.

I had a friend at UCSB who tried everything she could to talk me out of my decision to marry Uriel. My reason for marrying Uriel this early was so that he could become a legal resident sooner and thus get financial aid and work sooner, as well as having more freedom to love him.

"Doesn't it seem like he's using you?" she asked. That question alone showed how little she knew him.

Ever known someone so much that you just couldn't condense that person into words? Uriel is... Uriel. I could go into how awesome of a friend and sex partner he is, but I don't want to bore you.

Some other things she said was how stupid my decision was, and that she didn't feel like I had really thought about this enough. She was also under the wrong assumption that the main reason I did this was to run away from my parents. It helped, but I wouldn't have left if that was the only reason. She also used the guilt trip on me, telling me how I was abandoning my younger siblings. That's a definite no-no in Asian families due to the collectivistic culture.

"And you could become homeless," she said. "What if he dies? Okay, do you want to be a prostitute?"

"Uh, no...?"

"Well, you're heading in that direction."

I went into Stonewall Mode. In the end, desperate, she said, "Well, what if he cheats on you?"

"He's not going to cheat on me," I said.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"I just do. I know him." I trust him that much. His sisters and I have seen him on World of Warcraft and he doesn't even flirt with people online. His sister said that he tells them, "Stop. I'm married."

I understand where my friend was coming from. She thought she saw many parallels between her life and mine. She too, ran away from home to be with her boyfriend at sixteen because similar things happened to her by family members. Her mom drove to his house and unleashed her Asian Mom Fury, but she stayed with the boy. Then the guy left her. Yes, that sonuvabitch left her. What an asshole. A girl leaves her home and safety net to live with him, and he leaves her. She was probably unconsciously imposing her fears on me due to the similarities between our paths.

But I don't think she can understand the happiness I feel with him, at least not for now. She is living with a boyfriend who she has been with for several years. Their sex life is stale. He enjoys staying home and play on the computer while she enjoys going out and partying. She wishes he'd bring her flowers, but he's not the type of guy who does that. He once gave her a ring, and she gave it back to him because she wasn't ready. They also both agreed that if anyone better ever came up, she would leave with him and he'd be okay with it. The same with vice-versa.

I read this awesome quote and while there is a time and place for everything, I believe this is the time and place for this quote:

Now will saying "yes" get you in trouble at times? Will saying "yes" lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don't be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying "yes" begins things. Saying "yes" is how things grow. Saying "yes" leads to knowledge. "Yes" is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say "yes."

And that's The Word."
-Stephen Colbert

I am thankful for my friends who supported my decision, especially Christine and Kevin. They were there for me and I love them both. It means so much to me that they see both Uriel and me as the people we are, not what we look like, that they're not preoccupied with the fact that we're an interracial couple, but that we're happy.

These past few weeks, I've been so happy. None of this has turned out like how my friend told me. When she told me those things to scare me out of getting married, all that pessimism flowed out into my world. Now I feel so free and ready to do things. Uriel and I do fight, and we do get on each other's nerves sometimes (I thought about farting in his face once), but we both try to work things out and love each other. As long as we keep doing that, we'll be okay.